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The Coldblum

$6 - $16

In my earlier years I spent a short period of time as a programmer at Ultra Games in Buffalo Grove, IL. Now, this quiet suburb of America's hardest working city is hardly known for record-setting temperatures, but let me tell you, if you've ever spent a summer in the Windy City, you are no stranger to the stifling heat and humidity that led William S. Burrows to quip "I'd rather lease an oven in Morocco than an igloo in Chicago in July."

But I digress. To handle the heat of our tiny office space the lads and I would take to drinking all manner of refrigerated bevies.  A soda in the early afternoon. A light beer from nearby Milwaukee in the evenings. Nevertheless, the molten Buffalo Grove air made short work of any relief these drinks could deliver. That is, until one day, when a young associate producer introduced us all to a small device built to cure our particular ill.

"It's a beer hugger, you simp," he answered, when I asked why he was wrapping the smiling face of some handsome man around my Mr. Pibb.

"A what now?" I replied.

"A cooz. A coastie. A coolie, a coosie. Stubby holder. Bottle jacket?"

I'd never seen such a thing.

"A coldy-holdy. A candom. The Ft. Lauderdale Drink Dress. COME ON!"

I was and still am amazed.

"Fuckin' A, Jeff. Just get back to work. Your drink'll stay cool. We go gold on Thursday."

He was right. And we did. 

Yellow foam aluminum can insulation

Available singularly, or in packs of two and four